#024 The Stoic Mirror: What Our Reactions Say About Us

Where emotion meets awareness, growth begins.

Author

Rey Mungai
June 12, 2025

“If you are disturbed by external things, it is not they that trouble you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.”

Marcus Aurelius

We often think our reactions are responses to others. A comment, a delay, a decision we didn’t like. But most times, our reactions reflect something deeper: our own insecurities, wounds, expectations, or unspoken fears. They are a mirror.

In my journey as a father, founder, designer, and someone navigating the complexity of building in Kenya, I’ve learned that reactions are rarely about the world, they’re about the stories I tell myself. When I’m triggered, it’s usually not the world being cruel; it’s a part of me that’s still healing or holding on too tightly.

The Mirror of the Mind

The Stoics teach us that it’s not the events themselves that disturb us, but our judgments about them. If someone critiques your work and you react with anger, the anger isn’t from the critique — it’s from how you perceive it. Did it hit a part of you that still doubts your value? Did it feel like disrespect because you expect validation?

As an entrepreneur, I’ve had moments where a delayed response from a potential investor or client would make me spiral into assumptions: They’re not interested… I must have said something wrong… Only to later realize that that’s not the case The emotional storm? It was self-made.

To live well and build well, we must practice awareness of our interpretations.

Training the Response

If you’ve ever snapped at a loved one, only to regret it later, you know the power of a pause. Stoicism doesn’t ask us to become emotionless; it invites us to notice the emotion, question its origin, and choose our response.

When my son acts out or makes a mistake, I remind myself: This is a learning moment for both of us. Instead of lashing out, I speak calmly, and try to understand what he’s really feeling. That is presence. That is strength.

The same principle applies in business: whether with team members, clients, investors, or collaborators, I’ve seen more progress when I lead from awareness instead of assumption.

Reflection for the Week:

What was the last moment I reacted strongly and what was it really about?

Journaling this helps us separate the event from our emotions and brings clarity to how we’re evolving. Remember, what triggers us can teach us. But only if we’re willing to look into the mirror.

This week, sit with your reactions. Don’t judge them, study them. They are pointing you back to yourself.

Speak soon,

-Rey

Sophia • Andreia • Dikaiosyne • Sophrosyne

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