#016 The Discipline of Perception – Seeing Things as They Are

There have been times when every setback in business felt like a disaster, every disagreement in my personal life felt like a betrayal, and every uncertain moment felt like proof that things were falling apart. But over time, I have learned that it wasn’t the situations themselves that caused my stress—it was how I perceived them. Stoicism has taught me that the way we perceive events determines our reality. If we learn to strip away fear, ego, and assumptions, we can see things as they truly are—and act with wisdom instead of impulse.

The Stoic Art of Perceiving Reality Without Distortion

Most of our suffering isn’t caused by actual events but by our interpretations of them. How often do we make assumptions, let emotions cloud our judgment, or react based on fear rather than facts?

Early last year, I relaunched my design studio, Suluhu Studio, after years of procrastinating due to the anxieties caused by having to pitch to potential clients. Seeing as I hadn’t interacted with clients in this manner in a long time, one of the biggest mistakes I made was assuming that a client’s silence meant dissatisfaction. I would stress over it, thinking I had done something wrong—only to later realize they were just busy or it was not the right time for them to proceed with the project. I wasted valuable energy worrying over something that wasn’t even real.

At first, I let these thoughts consume me. I would replay conversations in my head, looking for signs that I had made a mistake. I would refresh my email inbox, expecting bad news. But over time, I found myself recollecting what the Stoics have taught us for years: most times, our suffering often comes from what we think is happening, not what is actually happening. The situation hadn’t changed—what changed was how I chose to interpret it. Once I accepted that silence didn’t automatically mean rejection, I started handling client interactions with a calmer, more logical approach instead of one driven by self-doubt.

Instead of assuming the worst, I learned to focus on the facts—Was the client’s feedback negative? No. Had they explicitly told me they were dissatisfied? No. I started giving situations time to play out before reacting emotionally. As a result, I wasted far less energy on imaginary problems and more on productive actions that actually moved my business forward.

How to Apply It:

• Detach from Emotion: When facing a challenge, pause and ask: Am I seeing this clearly, or is my emotion distorting it?

• Strip It Down to Facts: Remove your assumptions and focus only on what is objectively true.

Business & Leadership: Making Better Decisions Through Clear Perception

In business, perception is everything. When we allow our emotions to drive decision-making, we end up making impulsive choices. Early in my career, I lost a potential client because I reacted too quickly to their feedback. Instead of calmly understanding their concerns, I assumed they were unhappy and over-explained, making myself seem insecure. Later, I realized that had I just paused and listened objectively, I could have saved the deal.

I remember this clearly—it was during my early days as a freelance designer. A potential client had requested some design modifications on a pitch I had sent. In my mind, I took it as a sign that they were dissatisfied with the overall direction of the work. Instead of taking time to analyze their feedback, I responded immediately, justifying my choices and offering alternative revisions that weren’t even necessary. My eagerness to explain and “fix” the situation made me appear unsure of my own expertise. In the end, the client moved forward with someone else—someone who simply acknowledged the feedback, made the requested changes, and maintained confidence in their work.

What I failed to understand at the time was that not all feedback is criticism, and not every request for changes is a sign of dissatisfaction. Sometimes, clients just want to explore different ideas without doubting your capabilities. The lesson? If I had taken a step back and focused on what was actually being said rather than what I feared was being implied, I would have handled the situation with confidence instead of insecurity.

Takeaways:

• Slow Down Your Decisions: Never make important choices when feeling emotional.

• Ask: What Do I Actually Know? Remove all speculation and work with only the available facts.

Relationships & Fatherhood: Seeing People as They Are, Not as You Want Them to Be

The biggest cause of frustration in relationships—whether romantic, family, or business—is expectations that don’t align with reality. We create an image of how people should act, how they should respond, or how things should play out. But people are who they are, and reality unfolds as it will.

There was a time when I worried that my son might start to feel distant from me because his mother and I were separated and going through a divorce. I assumed that if he didn’t talk about something, it meant he wasn’t comfortable with me. I feared that living apart might weaken our bond, that I would miss crucial moments, or that he might grow closer to his mother while I became more of a visitor in his life. These thoughts consumed me until I took a step back and realized that this fear came from me, not from him.

Instead of focusing on my worries, I started simply being present—letting him open up when he was ready. I focused on consistency, ensuring that every moment we spent together was meaningful. I showed up, not just physically but emotionally, by listening more and worrying less. Over time, I noticed that the more I let go of my expectations of how our relationship “should” look, the stronger our connection became. The lesson was clear: presence matters more than perfection.

Takeaways:

• Let Go of the Need to Control Perceptions: You can’t control how others see you—only how you act.

• Seek to Understand, Not Assume: Before reacting, ask: Is this really true, or is it just my interpretation?

Overcoming Challenges with Clear Perception

One of the most powerful Stoic lessons is that obstacles are rarely as big as they seem—if we see them clearly. Marcus Aurelius wrote, "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." This means that setbacks, failures, and hardships are not roadblocks but paths forward if we choose to see them that way.

A while back, I lost a project that I had invested months of work into. It was a high-value opportunity—one that I believed would take my business to the next level. When the deal fell through, my initial reaction was frustration—thinking all my effort had gone to waste. I started questioning whether I had mismanaged communication, whether I had overpromised, or if I simply wasn’t good enough. The disappointment felt overwhelming.

But after sitting with those emotions, I forced myself to shift perspective. I asked myself: What did I gain? The answer was more than I expected. Throughout that project, I had refined my skills, strengthened my client engagement approach, and built new relationships that would later lead to even better opportunities. I had also learned resilience—the ability to keep moving forward despite setbacks.

Looking back, I realize that if that project had gone through, I may have become complacent, thinking success had already arrived. Instead, the failure pushed me to work harder, sharpen my strategies, and ultimately land bigger and better clients. The Stoics teach us that nothing is inherently good or bad—it’s our perception that gives it meaning. Once I changed how I saw that failure, I saw its value.

How to Apply It:

• Find the Lesson in Every Setback: Instead of asking, Why did this happen to me? ask, What can I learn from this?

• Reframe Challenges: Every obstacle contains an opportunity—if you look for it.

Most of the struggles we face are not because of external events—but because of how we see them. The better you train yourself to remove emotional distortion, to see facts instead of assumptions, the more control you have over your life. Because in the end, perception isn’t just how we see the world—it’s how we shape our reality.

🔥 Call to Action:

• Ask yourself: What situation in your life right now do you need to see more clearly?

• Practice stripping away assumptions this week.

• Drop a comment or journal about a time when a shift in perception changed everything.

Speak soon,

-Rey

Sophia • Andreia • Dikaiosyne • Sophrosyne

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