#015 To Conquer the World, You Must Conquer Yourself First

The Illusion of External Control

There was a time when I thought that if I worked harder, planned better, and pushed through obstacles with sheer willpower, I could control everything—my career, my relationships, my financial future. If something went wrong, my first instinct was to fix it externally. I would tweak my business strategy, adjust my communication style, or double down on my efforts, believing that if I just did the right things, I could force the right outcomes. But life doesn’t work like that. Some projects fail no matter how much effort you put in. Some relationships fall apart even when you give them everything. Some struggles come out of nowhere and knock you off balance.

For a long time, I resisted this reality, believing that control meant power. It wasn’t until I started practicing Stoicism that I realized control isn’t about forcing outcomes—it’s about mastering yourself in the face of uncertainty. You don’t control whether a client pays on time, but you control how you handle it. You don’t control whether your co-parent agrees with your decisions, but you control how you respond. You don’t control whether the market shifts or a relationship changes, but you control how you show up every single day.

The greatest battle we will ever fight is not with external forces, but within ourselves. If you can’t master your emotions, discipline your actions, and align your mindset with reality, then the world will control you, not the other way around.

The Battle Within: Why Self-Mastery Comes First

Think about the last time something didn’t go as planned—a business deal that collapsed, a disagreement that escalated, or a situation that left you frustrated. What was your immediate reaction? If you’re like most people, it was probably emotional—anger, disappointment, anxiety. I know this because I’ve been there too. I remember times when major clients have backed out of deals that I had counted on to fund business growth. My first reaction was panic—how would I cover expenses? What did I do wrong? Should I have seen it coming? The stress was overwhelming.

But after sitting with those emotions, I realized something: the problem wasn’t the situation itself, but my response to it. I had no control over the client’s decision, but I had full control over my reaction. I could waste time dwelling on the loss, or I could adapt, pivot, and move forward. That’s the essence of self-mastery—recognizing that external events are neutral; it’s our interpretation of them that shapes our experience.

The same principle applies to relationships and fatherhood. I can’t control how my son feels about his parents being dovrced, but I can control how I show up for him. I can’t control whether my co-parenting efforts are always met with agreement, but I can control how I navigate disagreements—with patience, objectivity, clarity, and presence. When you master your inner world, you become unshaken by the external one. And that, is real power.

The Stoic Approach to Conquering Yourself

We often think of leadership as the ability to command others, but the greatest leaders are those who first command themselves. Whether it’s leading a business, a family, or your own life, the ability to regulate your emotions, control your impulses, and maintain clarity under pressure is what sets you apart. I learned this firsthand as an entrepreneur. Running a business means dealing with clients who change their minds, employees who make mistakes, and market conditions that are unpredictable. The entrepreneurs who survive are not the ones who avoid problems but the ones who remain level-headed and adaptable when problems arise.

Stoicism provides powerful tools for self-mastery. The Dichotomy of Control reminds me to focus only on what I can influence and let go of the rest. If a client delays payment, I don’t stress over it—I focus on securing new work. If a project gets negative feedback, I don’t take it personally—I extract what’s useful and improve. In fatherhood, I can’t control how many hours I get to spend with my son, but I can ensure that the time we do spend together is meaningful.

The key is intentional practice. I use negative visualization to mentally prepare for setbacks so they don’t shake me when they come. I journal most nights to reflect on whether I lived up to my values that day. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress. The more I conquer myself, the less the outside world can shake me.

Handling Criticism and Conflict with Stoic Calm

Criticism is inevitable, whether in business, relationships, or personal growth. Early in my career, I used to take every critique personally. If a client questioned my work, I saw it as a reflection of my abilities. If someone challenged my decisions, I felt the need to defend myself. This emotional reaction drained me and made conflicts worse.

One of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve made through Stoicism is realizing that criticism is rarely about me—it’s about the other person’s perception. If a client is frustrated, it’s often about their expectations, not my skill. If someone is negative toward me, it’s often about their own struggles, not my worth. This doesn’t mean I ignore feedback—it means I take what is useful and discard the rest.

The same applies to personal relationships. Disagreements in relationships, conflicts in friendships, misunderstandings in business—they all test your ability to remain calm and respond with wisdom instead of emotion. The more you master your reactions, the more control you have over the outcome.

The Rewards of Self-Conquest

The more you conquer yourself, the clearer life becomes. Instead of feeling at the mercy of external events, you realize that your peace, confidence, and success all come from within. For me, this has meant making better business decisions, being a more present father, and navigating personal challenges with resilience.

Success in any area of life—business, relationships, fatherhood—starts with self-mastery. If you can discipline your thoughts, control your emotions, and stay focused on what matters, you will always find a way forward, no matter what happens.

The Only Battle That Truly Matters

Most people spend their lives trying to change external circumstances while ignoring the real battle—the one within themselves. But the truth is, if you master yourself, the world follows. The question is: Are you in control of your emotions, your actions, your mindset—or is the world controlling them for you?

Now, ask yourself: What is one area of your life where you need to take control? 

Drop a comment or journal your thoughts.

Speak soon,

-Rey

Sophia • Andreia • Dikaiosyne • Sophrosyne

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